2/01/2006 11:15:00 PM|||David M. F. Schankula|||

Last night during his State of the Union address our president said that we, America, are addicted to oil. I think he might be onto something. And even though he immediately backed off that comment, I still have faith. After all, denial is the hallmark of addiction.

Because I have faith, I have a proposal -- an initiative, of sorts. If you are an American and you do not own a car, you should get a tax break. I don't own a car and goddamnit if that doesn't entitle me to a little money back from Uncle Sam. I'm not just being greedy, I have good bipartisan reasons.

On the left: I'm doing my part to preserve the environment by not polluting the air.

In the middle: I'm saving everyone money by staying healthy. Because I walk everywhere, I keep my vital signs in check and prolong my life. As such, I'm doing my part to keep rising health care costs from rising that much faster.

On the right: I'm being fiscally conservative -- I'm saving my money and investing it into other sectors of the economy rather than giving it to, say, BP which isn't even an American company.

Every year I don't own a car, I get $1,000 from the IRS. I can either spend that money -- churn it back into the economy, as the Bush economic theory goes -- or I can save it up (which is good for all of us, given that American savings are at their lowest level since the Great Depression). If I'm carless for five years in a row, I get $1,500. After ten years, the reward is capped at $1,750.

Aside from all the aforementioned benefits of this infusion of money into the American economy, it may also help fund and thus expand public transportation. And that means everyone else pays less in local taxes!

Even if you're not with me so far, if you can't see the point of rewarding the carless, I will take it one step further. Give me a tax break and throw in a "New Car Incentive." American car companies, all two of them, are going through some hard times. They're bleeding money, they're laying off American workers and cutting everyone's retirement packages. Bill Ford is on TV every night pleading for mercy and what could be more merciful than tax breaks? For every carless American who uses the Carless Tax Break to buy a new American car, the car manufacturer throws in a sunroof and a CD player!

Come on, America. Reward the carless or at least bribe them into buying a car and supporting the economy. Let's address the soft bigotry of low emission.

Walk, don't drive -- it's better for everyone.

|||113885823160837683|||State of the Union (or: Walk, Don't Drive)